Confessions of a Failed Blogger and New Year’s Resolutions

There’s no small shame in starting a blog and then not blogging. I could bore you with the reasons why I floated beyond the blogosphere in recent months, but the short of it is that I was supposed to rescind all other priorities, and I did not.

Can we start again from scratch?

Hello. My name is Karen. One of my best qualities is that I never stop thinking and that I find everything worthy of thought. It is also one of my worst qualities, or at least the most annoying.

I blog rather than diary (which really should be a verb) because I want the company. Though a fairly intense introvert, I love people: their stories, their fears, their memories, their minds. I also love to share. Writing as if to someone else, even if no one happens to be listening at that particular moment, makes me write better, as long as I remain myself and don’t try to be pleasing or—worse—clever. I live in perpetual fear of living inauthentically.

I thought I would blog about books and films and photography and everything I love, but I think that actually kept me from blogging in the first place. I don’t know. I felt that I had to be “useful” and in order to be useful, I had to say something really IMPOHTANT and say it REALLY WELL and who the heck has the time for that on a daily basis? Did I really need to bother anyone with the reasons why Smaug needed to be sexier or my unresolved feelings about the violence in Django Unchained (exploitative? realistic? I just don’t know!). I also live in perpetual fear of living excessively.

I want to blog again. Like getting exercise and eating right, blogging always makes me feel better afterwards. But I worry that I will forget this a month from now, when facing a stack of papers to grade. But I’ve decided that 2014 will be the year of living intentionally: acting with purpose rather than merely crossing items off an ever growing to-do list. (Though I won’t lie: I REALLY enjoy my to-do lists as well and won’t give them up.)

But I’d also like 2014 to be the year of living moderately–lowering standards somewhat, enjoying everything I’m doing rather than worrying if I’m doing it all perfectly well.

What do you want your 2014 to be?

4 thoughts on “Confessions of a Failed Blogger and New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Hi, Karen. I’m Brad. Nice to see you again. And I think it’s fair to point out that I fairly squealed when I saw you had a new post. So there’s that.

    I think all introverts love people. But I love people in intense ways. I only want a handful of friends and relationships, so I want those people to be ones I can really talk to about the heavy stuff. I hate small talk. And I just wrote the dreaded “political rant” post on my blog. I know no one reads those, but it’s nice to write things down. It clears up my own head space and makes me more tolerable to be around.

    Hold on! Smaug was plenty sexy, and I’m a guy confidant in my sexuality who is saying that! He had Benedict freakin’ Cumberbatch’s voice and, as I’ve always suspected, women all love a deep, beautiful voice. I’m more aware of this face because I have a squeaky 12 year old’s timbre myself. It goes with the perpetually boyish face and the prospect of being carded in my 40s.

    And I certainly journal on my blog. (It’s been hardwired into me that “to diary” is girly, whereas “to journal” is manly. At least as manly as Henry David Thoreau.)

    My 2014 is the year of employment and publication. But if those disappointment me, I’m just going to live like a goat. I’ve already explained this in my blog. Those guys just aren’t afraid of gravity, and so I’m not going to be afraid to fall.

    Lovely hearing from you again, K.

    1. I can’t find a dragon sexy when it is confined to a cave so small it cannot even spread its wings. Smaug looked like one of those Flagstaff raven hopping across the street, too lazy to fly. Even Cumberbatch’s voice can’t make up for that (and it was altered anyway, no?). Legolas stole my heart anyway (as he always does).

      I saw the goat post–I think it’s a terrific philosophy. Here’s to your 2014!

      1. You have high standards for your mythical winged beasts. And that cave was massive!

        Never found the elves all that desirable. They’re as snooty as Gwyneth Paltrow and they only get pretty points because we’ve never seen the winners of a dwarves’ “Bearded Beauty” competition. The women are probably fantastic under all the hair and armor. And this is all beside the point, because a hairy-footed Hobbit lady would be wonderful.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s