I always take a little smug satisfaction in correcting out-of-staters about their misperceptions about Arizona. Or at least there is a certain type of person who brings this out in me. It’s the type of person who assumes that I live in a giant sandbox that reaches temperatures of 100+ degrees every day and has no plant life except for giant cacti and no wildlife except for scorpions and rattlesnakes. And it’s the type of person who DELIGHTS in that assumption. I’m not sure what is UP with that version of schadenfreude? Boredom with one’s own environs? Envy for the Grand Canyon state? Some weird resentment for the west, which symbolically represents freedom and opportunity in our cultural memory? At any rate, it’s not nice.
I had this conversation with someone recently. (I’ve only embellished small details. Swears.)
Mean Person: I couldn’t stand to live in Arizona. I don’t care what they say about a dry heat. It’s still like living in an oven.
Me: Actually, where I live, it rarely gets above 85 degrees. It’s really pretty pleasant.
Mean Person: I’d miss winter. And seasons.
Me: In the winter, we get down into negative double digits. People go skiing about 10 miles from town.
Mean Person: And nothing to look at except brown dirt.
Me: We’re in the mountains. It’s actually pretty green.
Mean Person: Well, I could never live there.
If I had that conversation to do over again, it might go something like this.
Dear Mean Person,
I appreciated our recent conversation, during which you shared your expertise on Arizona. Your input seemed particularly valuable, seeing as how you’ve never actually set foot in the state.
Since you didn’t listen the first time, let me explain. I live in Kachina Village, just south of Flagstaff in Northern Arizona. The elevation is around 7,000 feet. That means it’s cool and green. We get lots of sunshine. We live in the largest contiguous pine forest in the country. And right now it’s monsoon season, so we also get lots of rain. Here’s the view just down the road from my house.
and the trails through the local wetlands which we walked last night.
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but my Arizona is hardly the Arizona of a Road Runner cartoon. And another thing: the parts of Arizona that do resemble a Road Runner cartoon are pretty awesome, too.
And, Mean Person, I know you’d be disappointed by the wildflowers this time of year. No variety at all. Booooring.
And that’s only the ones I could find within a mile of my house.
Even though you haven’t set foot outside of your home state in thirty years or something, not all other places in the country suck enough to justify your choices.
Oh, and the Grand Canyon? Yeah, it IS that awesome. And P.S. I can do a day trip to see it anytime I want.